I admit! I'm glad to see your letter. And I hope that you are also glad to see my letters. And forgive me for having to wait for my answer. Believe me, work, vanity, and other urgent matters make me answer the body only when I can do it. But I'll try to fix it. I promise.
Your words have an interest in me. There is heat. And to hear compliments, very nice to me. True. Let these be just letters, but these letters can create something more. Maybe!
You talked about yourself, your life. I also told you about my life without hiding it. About the daughter. That I lost my husband when a drunk driver drove into his car. The husband was killed, and the man was given only 4 years in prison. 4 years for murder! Because I believe that if you drank a lot, and got behind the wheel of the car, and then hit a man and killed him. Then this is murder, the present. And you should get what you deserve. But this is already my past life. I can not change anything. Yes, it was difficult, but I managed it. I was able to raise a daughter, I was able to live on. But since then I'm afraid of cars, especially those that drive very fast. And the man, because of which my husband died, deprived me of all that I had. But for years, I forgave him.
My life does not have much joy. (Smile). That's probably why I see this world not like many people. And I appreciate other values, not money, gold or diamonds. When I said that I was lonely, I meant that I no longer have anyone. Only me and my daughter. This is my whole family. These are all my friends. And this is all that I have the most precious.
I never knew the warmth and care of my parents. I never knew what gifts are (smile). Its past, I do not like to remember. To admit, it's sad, and ... it hurts. And therefore, I try to appreciate the present, not thinking about the past. And I believe in a happy future (smile).
When my husband died, I did everything not to "break." I tried to be strong. I was afraid that if I broke down, I could lose my daughter. And that she will experience what I experienced in my life. That pain, that "cold". That past life, which I will not wish anyone.
The reason for the fear of losing a daughter is that I do not remember much of my parents. I was taken away from them when I was 7 years old. I remember only the house in which we lived. In winter it is very cold, and in summer, it is very wet. This raw smell of mold on the walls, forever remained in my memory. I remember how I dreamed of eating, just to eat.
I remember how my parents swore, and I was hiding under the table, or in the closet. And I'm happy that they did not sell me for 2-3 bottles of alcohol to anyone else. Or worse. Perhaps on this, I do not like alcohol (smile)
I was glad when they took me away from them. Neighbor turned to the police because of the loud noise. And when the police saw me, my parents, the conditions of my life, they immediately took me to the police station. And then I got into an orphanage. At first I did not feel sad for them. But then, I still missed it. I think, even before our birth, in the belly of the mother, we have a love for parents. And no matter what they are. Good or evil. We still love them! And I had a desire to find out how they live. I believed that they would improve, and that they would come for me, with toys.
But they chose their own way. I found out that they had died. A few months after I was taken to an orphanage. They burned down with our house. I admit, I did not want this fate for them. They could change. could return me. But apparently they did not need me.
It's very difficult to live in an orphanage. But I remember the first time I ate (Smile). I hid bread, and I was afraid that if they found him, they scolded me. And when one day he was found under my pillow, I was ready for anything. (smile). But the tutor took me to the kitchen, and fed me again. And after that I helped cook cooks. I guess since then I have a love for cooking.
After studying, when I was 18 years old, I lived for some time in the city of Ufa. There was practice, and there I met my late husband. He was 18 years older than me. But it so happened that we began to meet. Have undersigned, we had a daughter, we moved to him. After his parents, he had a house, and we lived where I now live. And then he died.
It was really hard for me. But I did not give up. And as you already understood, I did everything so that my daughter never knew, the past that I lived.
Sorry. I so "threw" on you. I just said, I do not have many friends with whom I could talk. And here you are, I am writing you letters. And I think you should know about me. Understand that I'm real. And that I have no secrets (Smile).
Frankly, I do not even know my real birthday (Smile). My parents did not have any documents for me, and the day I was born. And only in the orphanage, I had my birthday (smile), and this is October 8th. Imagine, 7 years to live without a birthday (Smile)?
And you know, for some reason I'm not afraid to tell you about everything. Probably because you are far away (smile). And I can share my life with you.
Yes, of course, maybe I did not need to tell this. But if you do not know the past of man, you will not know him! Do you agree with this?
Thank you for having me. True. I am very pleased that I can talk to you. Communicate with you. Share everything.
You know, I understand that you probably did not expect such a letter from me. And I had to tell the other (smile). For example, a favorite color, or a movie I like to watch. But it seems to me that this is not so important. After all, if my favorite color is red, can this be a problem in our communication? Or the fact that I like to watch only Russian movies, or that I'm reading books that maybe you do not like can interfere with our communication? I want to believe that no. Moreover, such things will not say much about me! And they will not give in the letter what I experienced and what I am real.
I think that communication, trust, knowledge, is exactly what kind of person. What is his past, what is his present. This is what we are - people. (smile). And the color, or the film, or even the size of the shoes, is not so important for communication! Or am I wrong? (smile).
And you know, I can reveal one more secret to you. As we have already understood, we are not children. (Smile). And I will not be afraid to say that I have not had a man for many years. (smile). True. I mean, I did not have a "close" contact (smile). God, I feel like I'm 19 years old. I guess I blushed.
Well, another mystery was revealed. And when you were close to a woman for the last time?
Is intimacy important in relation? Or are you important to other qualities in a woman? Do you dream of having children? I understand that this is a very stupid question.
Well, I'm finishing my letter again. And again I expect an answer from you. Today, my letter without photos. But I'll send you next time. I promise.
Kisses
Maria