xxx, today I want to start my letter with one really good proverb. Hope you will agree with it. So here it is: "Without knowing the past of person, you never know him very well!"
That's what my stepfather used to say, when he was preparing me for life in this world. Giving good and useful advices, and trying to grow me in who I am now. My view of the world. He
often told me about his own life, told me about some funny things. And for me it was like a fairy tales for the night. He is not my genetic father, but he is a real man, who raised me, taught me a life, educated me. He helped us, and loves us very much. He loves my mother, and I ... I became his daughter. And I will always consider him as my real father.
And now I think, that I need to tell you more about my past. So that way you could know me better! (Smile). When my real father left us, it was very difficult time for us. Mom could
hardly buy food to feed me. And she herself could not have even a few days to have a rest. She understood that at any moment they could take me away and take me to the orphanage. She was afraid of this! And it used to happen that I saw how she cried at night, how painful it was! But God heard her. Her friend learned about what happened, he came to us. My mother did not want to accept his help at first. But I never forget that day. He looked at her, and said: "If you do not need my help, then think about your daughter" And he turned his head to me, and I looked at him. And for the first time I realized that this man was warm and decent. I wanted that he stay with us. But who will listen to the little girl, who saw this man only several times before(a smile)?. And then, Mom accepted his help. He began to come more often, holidays, my birthdays. He started to bring food, sometimes he gave money to my mother. But every time she did not want to take anything. And he left it, or put it not noticeably in her bag. At first, she was surprised, but realizing where it all came from ... I began to notice how my mother and our life changed. We began to live better. Mom began to smile, and her tears at night I already did not see again. And one day ... (Smile). Once I saw how they kissed. Since that moment he appeared in our house till their first time, before this kiss was over a year. They were at first scared that I would be angry, or that I would be against it. But no (smile). I hugged him, and told him not to leave us! And he stayed. Stayed with us.
I did not think that another person, a stranger to us, could become a native. He helped me in my studies, helped me in everything. And when here it was not a calm time and I heard explosions, and shots, he was next to us. ( I mean the terrible things that were in my country in 1999, I mean bombing of my country ). He hugged us tightly, and said that everything will be fine! That he will not let us go, and will always be with us. That no one will harm us! And I believed, we believed him! And we knew that if he said so, then his words are not empty sound! And that he will take care of us until the end. He was near, next to us. I was terribly scared when I heard all this. Shots, and screams. This was really scary. Now it's in the past, but many people remember those days, that few months of fear. A few months of hell. And we were very happy when all this hell was over.
About that time we began to forget, and began to walk more in nature, my mother and my stepfather worked, in the evenings we watched movies, read books. And they told
funny and interesting moments. He also loved to read, and probably he gave me this love for books. We went for walks, went to nature, and spent time together, always! And I still like to do all this in my spare time. I mean to read books, to go for a walk in the park. I don’t like to spend my spare time in big, noises companies of people. I prefer to spend it alone or with my 1-2 of friend somewhere in café or to go to see some movie. I think it much better than go to night clubs, drink alcohol and not remember anything in the mornings. So maybe I’m not modern and typical girl, but I’m who I’m and I don’t want to hide it. I really don’t like to be impersonal part of the crowd. I’m enough original and individual. Of cause I think there is something that I still need to learn, maybe make some changes in my character or do some other work above myself. But I think for all this I need to have near to me the person, who will love me and support in all my beginnings. For a while I think I have no reasons to change anything. But I really want to have this changes and because of this I wrote you my first letter.
So let’s back to my life when I was much younger. At that time, my native father, well "rested" from us began to come again and again to us, and say that everything will be fine, so that we must forgive him. But we did not believe him. I will never forgive him! I will not forgive him for leaving us, when I was a little girl. I will not forgive his for not coming to us when it was the worst time in my country! He did not remember us .... So we told him “good bye forever” and asked him to never appear in our life’s again.
Years passed, and I finished school and went on to study further. My specialty is a cosmetologist. But I could not immediately work on this profession. I worked for the first time in a small firm. Papers and figures. Typical office work .... every day was the same as previous. It was very boring (smile). It was at work that I met my first love. I was 21 y.o. that time. I thought that I would be happy, but it turned out that he likes to drink alcohol. And when I wanted to tell him that he had to stop, I got a blow on my cheek. After collecting the things, I left him. And I did not see him again. I left that work. I changed some jobs after that. Also began to be afraid of new relations. But over the year, I healed my wounds. Also I thought to find a normal relations again. But communicating with men, not everyone caused me interest. There were only small meetings, but then the cafe and nothing serious. I already started how to learn and understand men better. I remembered the advices of my stepfather and began to apply it in my life. And everything began to become more better in my life then. One more time I understood that my stepfather was really wise and clever man and I’m really grateful to him for everything.
After some time, I met another man, he was the director of the beauty salon, I wanted to get a job there. He was 23 years older than me, then I was 23, and he was 50. And I did not pay attention to it, I never considered the age as a problem for the relationship and that’s why I already wrote you about it. We talked for a long time, I recognized him. I began to trust, and something warm and nice arose between us, really good feelings. Which began to grow fast. We have been together for more than 1.5 years. He gave me everything, he had money, expensive things. But again I did not succeed in that relations. And to be honest, life has taught me another good lesson again!
I did not come "in time" from my parents, I came a few days earlier to our apartment, wanted to make a surprise for him ! What I saw there, do not tell (smile), but the picture was like in a trivial
melodrama about treason. He probably thought that giving me some values, money, I'll turn a blind eye to all that he can do. But I'm not one of those who value money! I'm one of those who appreciate feelings, care, understanding. I did not arrange a scandal, and did not even collect any of my things. I just left him.... Since that time I absolute sure, that I really need in relations. And that some material things, like money, expensive presents, all this is not important for me. Maybe this one more reason to tell that I’m not like most of modern girls. But I don’t care about it.
Sitting on the street, and wiping away tears, I decided that I would not have any more relations at all! What it’s much better to be alone than to feel again what I experienced. I did not want to have a broken heart again. And my trust in men has disappeared! I got in the car and drove off. I did not even think where I need to go. I was afraid to go to my parents. Did not want to upset them. I just went along the road. And at some point, I remembered that my friend called me a long time ago to visit her! So, I went to her. By the way, I'm sending you with this my letter the picture where me and she together.
Sabina, and her daughter met me! I have not seen them for a long time, and I was happy to meet them again. Embracing, and kissing Sabina, I went to their house. They lived together. I just know that her man was killed few years ago. After telling her everything, she told me that I can stay with her as long as I need. And I agreed.
I found a job, or rather I found a client who addressed to me. I saved up some money and began to rent the apartment myself. After it everything began to get better. There were new friends, who helped me. They brought their friends to whom I helped in my specialty. Someone's got a wedding, and I had to do make-up and hairstyle until evening. Some children have finished school, graduation. But I think that this is not very interesting for you. Makeup, cosmetics, hairstyles (smile). This is interesting only for girls. (smile). So for while I still live in a rent apartments, it’s not very big, but enough for me. Some time ago I thought that I need to start save money for my own apartments. But then I sat and began to think, if I really want to spend the rest of my life here, in this country with some new man, who will again bring me disappointment? And answer “NO” to myself. So I decided just to live as I was living before and to see, what the time will bring to me.
And again after time, I began to understand that life goes so fast. I have friends, but they are all girls. And this lack of male attention .. this loneliness, made me forget about my promise to be alone forever. And so I wrote you my first short letter. Maybe I just say silly thing, and you do not believe it. But when I walked in the Internet cafe, I looked at my feet, and thinking about what I need to get acquainted with a man, something stopped me. Raising my head, I saw an advertisement that an Internet cafe make a promo action, introduces lonely people to another lonely people from different countries. And I ..... (Smile). Something pushed me there, and I went. I was given several addresses, and they helped me to write a first letter. You answered me!
As I said, I will not hide that others man also wrote me before you, but now they are all deleted, because I told you, their requests, their words were not cultural, and they ... I do not even want to think about it . Now I'm glad that you are present in my life. And that I can share my life with you.
Ahhhh, I think my “not a big" letter (smile), it does take you much time to read it (smile). But I already told you that I love writing. And if I do not write so much, you do not recognize me better. So I hope you were interested to read this my big letter and soon I will see your comments about it. Hope you also be able to tell me more about your childhood, about your family and some of your relations with woman, which you had before. Maybe you could tell me, what you understood for your self from your past, what kind of decisions you accepted for yourself? Of cause if you are not ready to share with me some personal things I be able to understand it.
I will come every day to the Internet cafe, except Sunday. And I will always answer you! If you write me the same way, and you want to communicate with me!
Have a nice day (Smile)!
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Tanilya <tanilyanasafina@hushbox.eu> <layflaytanilyanyany@hunshonline.com> <alianzetani@glovrynden.com> (Gelesen: 13139 mal)
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