A whole lot is going through my mind right now and I really want to find
peace. I don’t know if this is a punishment or karma.
I want to believe it’s karma cause I knew about my late husband’s dealings,
I begged, prayed and asked for him to not put his career in jeopardy, he
knows about financing as he has been a financial advisor for more than 12
years, he knows how important money is to people but he decided to go
against his own profession and ethics to take money from his client(Ravil
Maganov) for himself. He kept taking little amounts that he thought were
unnoticeable, he was confronted by his client(Ravil Maganov) and that was
the leash he had on his neck. They kept asking him to move money around,
where money is not supposed to go and where it’s not supposed to be taken
from.

I can’t forget the night he got the news that his client (Ravil Maganov a
Russian Billionaire)was found dead in his house, I’ve never seen a scared
person do something more dangerous and put his life in more danger.

I’m convinced he thought he could get away with taking more money for
himself since his client was dead. If dead people could talk, my late
husband xxx Sharp would say “ you warned me”. But I’m grateful to him
for that courage as he said he wanted to give me the best of life but
there’s nothing, absolutely nothing good about life right now. Taking money
from his client did not directly cost him his life but working for someone
who is into dirty business did, taking money from that person put a leash
on him and he was made to do dirty work. My late husband was just at a
loose end.

You can read about Ravil Maganov with this link
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-62750584, After his death I at a
point decided to take the money he stole when he heard about his client’s
passing and go somewhere peaceful and quiet but life has a way of putting
us in our place. Money sitting like a statue, no one knows it’s gone. I
always look over my shoulder everywhere I go at every point in time and
nothing has ever attacked,stalked,threatened or scared me except cancer.
Cancer?? It’s so strange how I have never had any symptoms whatsoever
before now.

I feel so terrible and on everything I hold dear I don’t want anything to
do with the money that cost my late husband his life but maybe this all
happened for a reason, I have money and cancer ? Okay I’ll work with that.
I already was imagining the lonely chemotherapy sessions cause I have no
kids, no husband,literally no one cause I’m a stay at home wife. When I
held onto hope and found solace in believing my late husband probably knew
about my diagnosis and kept it hidden from me.

Did I cry when I was told I have only 2 months left?? no. Did I cry when I
realized I have absolutely nothing and no one?? no.
But I only cried when it dawned on me. I never made any impact in anyone’s
life. The feeling is so heart wrenching, can life get any more tricky? I
just want to go rest and I’ll feel at rest if I know someone dear to me has
the money and will put it to good use. That way maybe I’ll feel some sort
of relief knowing I probably did something for someone and they can have me
in their heart.

You probably would be aware of these kinds of transactions. I’ve tried to
give the money to social organizations but most of them have rejected the
funds because of the way my husband got the money, I do  in fact do not
need the funds again because of my health issue and I’m already exhausted
with trying to figure out what to do with the money. If nobody claims the
money the bank will take over the funds immediately.