How are you doing today my friend xxx!? No, I think, that I should write much on another as I want and as speaks me my feelings and my heart. How are you doing my love? I hope, that with you all is good there. And very much I hope, that you are very happy to see my new letter again today. And again you wish to come nearer on one step to each other. And it is possible, once to be so close that having stretched a hand forward, both of us can touch each other. Also there will be no any barriers, nor a distance problems. You will look in my eyes, see in them shine, and understand, that it is a reality, I nearby, and we can start to build a new joint life.
But it is time to "go down" from heavens, and to return to a reality. While there are only letters, while there are only dreams, and desires. But I agree, that if we not dream, then we will not have a purpose! The purpose to which we wish to come and this purpose will be our meeting. Let not today, and not tomorrow, but it will be. I want it. And you?
You know xxx, nevertheless that we make a step to something that still is difficult to believe in, a step which will change our life! The life where will not be a place to loneliness, treachery, roughness, and a pain. But always there will be a place for love, fidelity, a smile, and pleasure. Which only we will construct our world, you and I. And in this world we can be the happiest people who are loving each other.
Do you listen to your heart? I do! I hear its knocks, and I understand, that it wants and necessary for it! When I see your words, my heart starts beats strongly! And this feeling, that I have now it is not easy to transfer in words. Pleasure, excitement, happiness all this is in one. And it does not have an explanation. I hope, that you will understand it.
Darling, understand, I am ready now on much. Probably to make the most mad act in my life! Though where is something more mad, than to fall in love with the man by letters (smile)? To think of you, all time to have you in my head. And not even for just a second stop to dream. And let somebody would tell, that it is not real. I will deny their words! Let somebody will tell, that the such things cannot be! And I will prove them in return, that everything is possible!!!
Believe me, I tried to tell to myself, that it is all not reality. But there I couldn’t! I here, you there, and I feel you, as if you are nearby! And it seemed to me, that such things does not happen, but I feel you as if you nearby. And for me it is quiet and enough. For me it’s warmly also it is the truth. That is why after all that I have felt, have test on myself, I have come to one conclusion, and the decision. YES, I love you, and I spoke to you about it.
Why it cannot be? Can! And it is not important where and how we live, what we eat, what’s our ages, and what religion we follow. No, I think, it not so is important, as how both of us look at this world and that we both want. And we want only one thing, to be happy and not to be lonely!
And if you are ready to accept me, and to be opened with me, then I will be mutual! But if it’s not present. That also it is not necessary to make any next steps. Believe me, I’m not the especial. No, I quite simple girl, I have bad habits as all other people. Somebody smokes cigarettes, and I to madness like to write to you letters and to draw, I’m not sure that it’s a bad habits, but for somebody maybe. Somebody listens to heavy rock, and I like classics music. Somebody likes to drink alcohol, and I like to take a walk.
Also I ask you only about one this. The God has given me appearance, and many people look only at it. But believe me, that appearance is not important for me, but mind, and soul is important. I have opened to you my soul. And you. I’m not the genius, but also am not silly. And on it, I will understand where a deceit and where is not present.
Well, I will ask you, are you ready to go forward, and not to look back? Not to look in the past, not to think about what was, but to think only about that will be! Whether to take ready you my heart, and to protect it up to the end?
Forgive me, for so big words, but I wish to be confident, and not to make mistakes which to cause me only a pain. Believe me, I’m very much am afraid to be mistaken.
I wish to be confident that you will not give up, you will not hurt, you will not change me for other girl. I wish to be confident, that with you, in your man's hands I will not be a toy which you only use and will throw. As not the necessary thing. As dust. It is very painful.
It is my fear which now prevents to be to me assured on 100 percent. Assured of you.
My dear, not so long ago I met one my acquaintance, we studied together several years ago, and now she lives in other city. Also has arrived to my city to relatives.
We long time did not see each other, and have gone to cafe to talk. She asked me about me, about my life, and my person, the love person. I did not hide, I said about you, that you from other country, and that you also madness like me (smile). You lovely, understanding, kind and careful. Yes, we different with you, but we to approach each other. I think so.
She has listened to me, and has told, that in her city there was very bad case which even showed on the local TV..
The girl from a rich family has got acquainted with the man from other country. They communicated the same by letters. And once the man has invited her to himself, in his country, somewhere in Europe, if I am not mistaken. She was not thinking, and she has agreed. He bought the ticket for the plane for her. And she has left to him. And in a during of 1 year, about her nobody hear anything. Her parents searched for her everywhere, but could not found, and only a miracle, has allowed her to return back, but she has returned in very awful condition.
And the situation was that she arrived to the man, who was the sadist and the pervert. As she told, he at first loved her, gave flowers, and looked after her. But once he drank with his friends, and she has rebuked him, that already late and for his friends was time to go home.
Then the man has started to kick her, and when she any more did not resist, he has outraged upon her, and has raped. When I story about her, on my face there were tears, it was very a pity to me this girl. And my friend has continued.. And when he once again drank with the friends, neighbors have caused police because of noise, and they have rescued her, when have heard shout. Long time she was in hospital, and about her they did not know anything, who is she and from what country. And that man as soon as has got for a lattice, he was hung up, has made a suicide in prison. He understood, that he will judge strictly, and that is possible her parents, will want to revenge for it.
And when the girl has come to the senses, she has told through what she has passed, and as with her its man done everything. She has told where she was from and where lives, and she at once have brought back to our country.
This history all time is now at my head. Also prevents to be assured, assured in you. But I try to overcome the fear, and I say to myself, that if it is fated to me the same destiny, so I can not change it. And if I trust you, this is my decision. And if it is my error only I will be guilty in it.
And all the same, I believe your words, that you speak to me. Therefore, now reading your letters your voice at me in a head, and I hear it, your words....
And each word, I trust it. And I am assured that you never cause me a pain, sufferings, and precisely same destiny, that at the poor girl whom I have told you about.
It is the truth?! I hope, that it is the truth, that you not to cause me a pain.
Also I hope, that you will answer me. And I will believe to your words because to trust and believe, this one of the main things concerning people.
Also I will finish this letter, words that start with my heart.
I wish you to kiss, but there is no you nearby. But I send it with this letter, and I hope, that as soon as you will read it, you will feel it.....
Now I will wait from you for the answer.
Yours Zemfira.